Monday, April 23, 2012

The Biggie

I need to share the final realization that pushed me over the edge.

I would read articles or hear news reports periodically on news sites or at the gym or on some tv station somewhere that documented some horrendous event that happened to an unsuspected or undeserving victim. The horrors in 3rd world countries got to me, as did the stories of mommies killing or abusing their children. The heartbreaking stories of female genital mutilation broke my heart for those little girls. The human trafficking of young girls to be sex slaves, raped, spit on, abused, and often times killed at the hands of their "owners" made me sick to my stomach. The poor children who's skulls where bashed in by a hammer wielded by the mother who "loved" them.

As a Christian, I would cry out WHY GOD??? And many times just my own little prayer: oh God, oh God, oh God, like I was calling his attention to the matter. So I started believing: Oh God! Oh God - save these girls!!! You love them! Fix this! Oh God, you know this isn't right: make a change ...

But I was calling out in vain. I began realizing that either I worshipped a dead God, or a God that could not make large meaningful changes, or a God that would not make large meaningful changes (like culture-wide changes where these girls are saved from these grave injustices). It all came down to this:
The question of evil. I realized that my answer was not sufficient for the evil I saw all around me. I realized that I could NOT look those little girls in the eye, those girls who had suffered and were only a shell of a human being, and tell them that God loves them. Because I no longer believed it.

Furthermore, I decided that if there WAS a God who COULD have stopped these injustices but didn't, I actually wanted nothing to do with him. I could not imagine a person/being/deity that heartless and evil. It was a huge thing to admit, but it allowed me to breathe freely. I actually was able to say: NO to the idea of a God who could fix these horrible injustices but who chose not to. I was able to say not only do I not believe, I don't want to. That was a big step.

Don't get me wrong. I still want to believe in the all-loving, all-wonderful, all-perfect, all-good God/Jesus that is presented to me by many Christians. I just can't reconcile him with the God of the Bible and the evil present on this Earth.

This was short but by far my biggest realization along this journey. It is easy to sit in our comfy couches on our expensive laptops with our full bellies and cheap wine and say: Well, God is in control and his love is perfect. But when it comes to the nitty gritty, horrible, hungry, war-torn countries and the atrocities that are committed, we cannot hold those dying, bloodied between the legs little 2 yr olds and tell them that God loves them. Again and for the last time I call bullshit.


  1. You are awesome. Love reading stories like this.

  2. Thank you Mozza79. This blog has caused some unexpected anxieties and problems in my life, so I've backed off, but I think I'll try again soon ...

  3. As a wise person once said, "don't let the bastards grind you down."

  4. If you are going to attack Christianity, you have to deal with the entire position...and that is that the Lord will bring justice to this earth, right every wrong, and welcome all those who want to join him.

    Humankind is, presently, being give every chance to accomplish this. When it finally becomes apparent that they aren't going to, but are in fact going to eliminate human life from the face of the earth (Matthew 24) the Lord will take over and being fully justified in doing so.

    Of course, you can reject that position, but if you are attacking Christianity without taking that position into account you are sttacking a Straw Man.

  5. By not adopting the position that the Christian god exists you are automatically rejecting the position that it has the power to do anything at all.